i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
