I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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