do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
