i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The Olympian is in my bed
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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