her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
