So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Drake has all the answers
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
