So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
