At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
