I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
