I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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