my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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