walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
