Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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