Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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