You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
