I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
