There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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