um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
