i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
