You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
