Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
