I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
