why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
