i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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