Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
