There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
