hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
