i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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