He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
