I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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