Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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