im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
