exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
And then he peed in my hair
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