I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
