no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
