we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
