My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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