Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I need to calm my uterus...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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