did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
