Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
