every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
