maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
