So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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