8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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