You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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