just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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