it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
All I want is dick and wine.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
