I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
