Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
