well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
